ET Give Us A Bell

I picked up this little question on the Beeb’s website.

If there really are aliens out there, how come they haven’t been in touch?

Biblebashers will tell you that the aliens don’t exist because if they did it would bugger up every theory put forward in every religious text in the world, including the Bible.

The UFO loons will insist that aliens have already been in touch. They’ve been dropping in on us for yonks. Sceptics will say that the UFO freaks are attention-seeking nutters and the aliens all work for the CIA.

So we turn to the scientists who through various complicated and sometimes controversial calculations insist that there are anything up to 50billion earth-like planets in our galaxy alone, and that there are 10,000 possible civilisations that we could contact.

So why haven’t we?

We’re not trying hard enough, according to Dr Frank Drake, a radio-astronomer who came up with the original calculation.

We’re bone idle, you see. And they needed mathematics to work that out?

What puzzles me is why they didn’t stop by the Jolly Carter and ask me. I mean, the answer is so obvious, it’s staring them in the face, but they can’t see it because they’re too busy complicating matters.

It’s all about money.

The cost of a call to Australia can be up to 50p a minute. Think how much dearer it would be to ring here from Sirius.

You can read more on this at:


About Flatcap

Flatcap is in residence, tucked away in his corner of the public bar, where for the price of a brace of brown ales, he will treat you to his world-weary opinions on any and every subject you can think of and a good many you can't.
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4 Responses to ET Give Us A Bell

  1. They get in touch by subtle means like phoning people up posing as butcher-seekers.

    • Flatcap says:

      There you go then. If you’d asked her for an address, it would have been 1137, Coronation Grove, Ruislip, Aldebaran C, Taurus quadrant, Milky way.

      You have to watch for them reversing the charges, too.

  2. Vesna McMaster says:

    All we need to do then is set up Alien Skype and we’re laughing.

  3. Flatcap says:

    It’s the theme of my next novel.

    Thanks for stopping by, Moosey.

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