Monthly Archives: December 2010

Flatcap’s New Year Greeting

New Year’s Eve and many traditions still hold: particularly getting rat-arsed. I realise that, at our time of life, it’s adolescent to come home fighting drunk in the early hours, wakening the neighbours and giving them verbal when they complain. … Continue reading

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Christmas Crap

A friend sent me this, another idiot survey on Facebook. For the benefit of those who don’t subscribe to Facebook, I reprint my response here. 1:  The best Christmas present you ever received was? The 1974 blackout. The electric board … Continue reading

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The 6th House & Pit Boots

According to my horoscope, I’m up for a busy day with the moon moving through my 6th house. According to me, that 6th house was on Throstle Grove and it was pulled down years ago, so I don’t see how … Continue reading

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A Disabled Rant

There’s this old joke when filling in forms or under interview by the cops. “They want to know everything including the last time I went for a shit.” It’s a joke. Right? Not anymore. I retired a couple of weeks … Continue reading

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ET Give Us A Bell

I picked up this little question on the Beeb’s website. If there really are aliens out there, how come they haven’t been in touch? Biblebashers will tell you that the aliens don’t exist because if they did it would bugger … Continue reading

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Merry Bloody Christmas

Christmas is coming and me dad’s run outta fags Please put a tenner in me mam’s handbag If you haven’t got a tenner, a fiver will do If you haven’t got a fiver, your window’s going through Did I happen … Continue reading

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The Toaster

By popular demand (well one person asked) here’s a rewrite of a piece I produced about 3 years ago. It was inspired by the true story of a Milwaukee resident who shot his lawnmower when it wouldn’t start. The local … Continue reading

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It’s Written In The Stars

Today’s horoscope was extraordinarily accurate. You cannot clearly see what’s coming. This is absolutely true. I am due at the opticians and most of the world is a fog. The choices you make now can significantly impact your future. If … Continue reading

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Real Men, Tune Into This

I’ve just read on AOL from Asylum about the five things real men should never say. Now I need this kind of guidance because I’m a real man. How do I know? I checked the necessary equipment and I am … Continue reading

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A Mother’s Christmas Apology

A mother’s heart rending plea to her son for understanding. Deer sun Just a shaught noat to teel yu wy we carnt by yo nuffin for krismuss. Yesta day I cent yore dad to the supmar … supa ma … … Continue reading

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